"Rust" is a new photographic piece in my etsy.com shop. This piece was taken months ago, but sine my latest debilitating illness has me imprisoned in my bed, I have had to get pretty creative to keep my interest and not just lie here and cry. Cry over the pain, cry over the deterioration of my body, cry over my partner having to work to support me in my healthcare, my medicines, cry over the decisions that we have to make every day that others take for granted...food over meds or vice versa. I cry over seeing my partner just stuffing her worry down in order to carry on, cry over bills coming in that we cannot pay, cry over not being able to go places with my family, cry over not having any income to help financially, cry over not having any sales, cry over and over and over, over the same things day in and day out.
So, in lieu of all of that, I have rediscovered my love of the lens. It is both a gift and a curse, just like painting. Now that I have that interest back and want to pursue it, there are two problems. I want a more expensive camera, not too expensive, a Nikon D50 will do for now, just a used one... uh huh, in my dreams. Some of you might be able to relate to this, as we can't even keep up with our monthly bills, let alone buy a toy for me. AND I can't get around to be able to take the photographs. I hate being poor, I hate being in constant pain, I hate being disabled. I haven't been able to work for 2 years due to a myriad of health problems, I never wanted my life to get like this, who does?
A friend laughingly said that I might be the next Frida Kahlo...you know, having a disabling back issue and being in bed. Another said I should install a mirror on the ceiling to be able to do my own portraiture! I love that my friends feel comfortable with me to joke and make me laugh, I sure do need it!! AND I laughed right along with them. Where would we be without humor? hmmmm, dead? I draw skeletons with great sense of humor! Well, just so you and my friends know, I am not intending to being another Frida, I don't have the connections for that! But who knows, maybe some of my best work will come at this time...
What I have been doing, as I stated in the previous post, is pulling out photography that I had stored away and "playing with them" in my computer programs. I didn't do much with this photograph, just a few tweaks here and there. It has turned out to be one of my favorites.
I named this piece "Rust" to symbolically depict the orange brown powder that eats away the most beautiful of iron, if there is nothing put in place to protect it. I had no protection against my genes, against illnesses that eat away at me. The illnesses eat away at me, at my mind, my body, my sense of humor, my ability to think, to remember...until I become someone I don't know any more. My rust, my tears eat me up.
