3/24/09

Touched

I’ve always struggled the saying, “be grateful for what you have” or “there’s always someone who has it worse than you”. It seems so discounting of the feelings at hand and I have felt discounted when people have said that to me. We ALL have pain in some way, shape or form whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, it’s there.

I wrote a blog post some time ago, wherein I talked about artists losing their muse. It happens, maybe not to you, but it happens to me quite a lot. In that blog post I talked about a friend who had lost her muse and eventually lost her life by being murdered. She lost herself first to alcohol and in the end someone took what was left.

Our Muse is a gift. She may be with you for a long time, or be there one day and gone the next. I don’t mean to sound morbid or take you on a journey that you don’t want to go on, but think about this. If you are stuck in the “poor me’s” and feeling down and depressed about your life, finances, loss of muse, etc., you will be shown what you need to see, when you need to see it.

I posted the blog post I mentioned above on my 1000Markets.com blog yesterday because something told me to do it. Call it instinct or whatever you want, but I followed my gut. You can read it at http://vanfleetstreetdesign.1000markets.com or go to older posts on this blog and you will find, “Muse Muse Where Art Thou?"

Anyway, today I awakened to read a response that made me come to a screeching halt in my tracks. The author of the response and I are involved in the Day of the Dead Market on 1000Markets.com as fellow merchants. We each have a shop there and have become part of the Day of the Dead circle on the site. http://eclecticdesigns.1000markets.com is her shop’s address on that site. I would like to feature her response here as it was a huge reminder that I am not the only person on this earth with pain and a story that needs to be heard.

“Hi Brett,

As I read your poem, then paragraphs and as the tears started to flow...I felt you had visited with my spirit and had a convo~that I didn’t know about.

11 months ago I was in a car accident...left me in a coma for 2 weeks. I died twice and finally after 18 days..woke up... had no idea what happened …my kids were telling me and when I went to hug my daughter my right arm wouldn’t move..paralyzed shoulder down to the finger tips.....besides being a lil fuzzy from the pain meds and memory loss at that time as well as eye damage and the discovery of a brain aneurism..... I cried continuously because my muse was torn from me and left discarded somewhere... she will never return...I mourn her often.

At 52 having to begin anew in everything from learning basic hygiene with one hand to eating..I cant cut my food...I am always in need now of someone to assist me, whereas before I would walk into my studio ...play music..light my candles and offerings...now I was faced with being crippled and angry with my God...if he wanted an arm..why the right.....I could not do mahon with my left...and now I had to.

So after a few weeks of anger, denial,,then acceptance of self...I finally walked back into my studio... there laid my beads as I left them..clay for my skulls dried up..my own home felt violated..I felt I would never sing again with my inner voice...

It is the past 2 months that I have returned to the studio and reclaimed it as mine... therapy has helped the fingers on my right hand greatly, I have movement and can finally curl wire using my left hand…

I believe my muse found me on a cold snowy night...I live on a lake and I was watching the snow blowing softly...as if fairy dust was sprinkled I started to see shapes in the snow dustings.. the bushes looked like my cabochons, lolol.

Every day I awake with gratefulness of the gift of life and with my first cup of morning coffee I sit in my studio..singing my mantra and starting my day.

Thank you Brett for sharing with me...I am glad I was able to share with you all.

Laura”

I always say “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. Thank you Laura for the wake up call and for being my teacher today.


2 comments:

Kat Roman said...

Brett, I think of you much and often. Today I logged on to my blog. My friend had urged me to go back on a few days ago. I am so glad that I went onto your blog. I read on and was extemely touched by what I read. I have gone through a year of turmoil, although I am grateful every day for what I have. I think that I am spoiled and had become stagnant. Thank you for your post. I apologize for never posting your wonderful interview.

Best wishes your way.

On a Whimsey said...

Once again you have touched us all. You are the sort of person who when they write or speak, you listen. You always seem to provide inspiration. There will always be someone else who has more on their plate or unimaginable problems that are more acute than any I could imagine. Because of this it doesn't matter what life throws at me... I know that somehow I will come out of the tunnel at the other end. Hopefully a much stronger person who is so much more grateful for what they have. We can all become very blind to what we actually have.

Every now and again my muse appears to foresake me but then I realise she is trying to make me stand on my own two feet and search for that inner being to continue.

Thanks for your inspiring post.